There are three main communication patterns:

 Complementary - in which adult speaks to adult
 Crossed - in which parent speaks to parent and the response is child to parent
 Ulterior - in which the words imply one pattern, but the real message is on another track.

Complementary Transactions

Parent - Parent Transaction

Person A: “The company isn't what it was.”
Person B: “You can say that again!”
Person A: “Have you actually seen any re-organisation work out in practice?”
Person B: “Never.”
Person A: “When will they ever learn?”
Person B: “Don't know. Seems built-in.”

Adult – Adult Transaction

Person A: “Do we have to go on submitting this month end return to the Secretary?”
Person B: “I'm not sure, what was its purpose, do you remember?”
Person A: “Yes, to keep the last pastor informed of attendance figures against target on a monthly basis.”
Person B: “Let's ask this new man if he wants them as well.
Person A: “Right.”

Child – Child Transaction

Person A: “Well, I'm just going to refuse to do it!”
Person B: “I feel like handing in my resignation and in front of you know who!”
Person A: “That would show him.”
Person B: “Wouldn't it be lovely to see his face!”

Parent – Child Transaction

Person A: “Well, you'll do it because I say so.”
Person B: “Yes boss.”
Person A: “Any questions?”
Person B: “Well, er I thought.........”
Person A: “Good we can get on then.

Crossed Transactions

Husband : “Darling, where are my cuff links?”
Wife : “Where you left them!”

Person A: “There are a few mistakes in this report.”
Person B: “Could you do better?”

Person A: “I'll have to finish this report tonight for the PCC.”
Person B: “Why do you always leave things to the last minute?”

Ulterior Transactions

Person A: “Would our friend like to explain his actions to the meeting?” Person B: “Certainly...er I...er was only trying to er... support the young people.”

The implications of the above are more as follows:
Person A: “I don't approve of what you did and I want to expose you.”
Person B: “I feel unsure, scared and needing to be cared for.”

Ideally, we should be striving to ensure that our communications are adult to adult. Nevertheless this is difficult because often people will want to relate to us as child/parent - particularly if we are in a caring role. It is also difficult because at times we want to be in the child or parent ego state.

On the next page you will find a questionnaire which will help you identify your personal ego state balance.